ABANDONED PIRATE PARK POSES HEALTH HAZARD

Local authorities have issued warnings about Captain Foxy's Pirate Paradise, closed since 2003. Recent inspections revealed dangerous bacterial contamination, structural decay, and "disturbing mechanical malfunctions" in the park's animatronic attractions.

The park's owner has hired a private security analysis firm to conduct overnight surveillance before final demolition. Officials warn: "Under no circumstances should anyone enter restricted areas."